Posted by: littlegirlyone | February 15, 2007


One thing about John that I (obviously) adore is his control. Of course, as I just wrote, this adoration is set off by annoyance with his ability to be cold to me. One time, indulging my questions about his ability to control himself, he described himself as a Howard Roark-type. At the time, I just nodded, like I knew what he meant. When I got home, I had to Wikipedia the name to get the reference (embarassing for an English major). It turned out that Howard Roark is the main character in Ayn Rand’s super-famous novel, The Fountainhead. Of course, I immediately set out to read the book, feeling like I was getting inside his head (naughty little snoop). When I was reading the novel, the Roark/ Dominique relationship struck me as oddly bdsm. I don’t know if Rand intended it, but there is a lot of control, and submission in their relationship, and it made the novel a much more thrilling read than I expected. Anyway, I wanted to share one quote that I absolutely loved:

“He did not think of her often, but when he did, the thought was not a sudden recollection, it was the acknowledgment of a continuous presence that needed no acknowledgment. He wanted her. He knew where to find her. He waited. It amused him to wait, because he knew that the waiting was unbearable to her. He knew that his absence bound her to him in a manner more complete and humiliating than his presence could enforce. He was giving her time to attempt an escape, in order to let her know her own helplessness when he chose to see her again. She would know that the attempt itself had been of his choice, that it had only been another form of mastery. Then she would be ready either to kill him, or to come to him of her own will. The two acts would be equal in her mind. He wanted her brought to this. He waited.”

Doesn’t that just sum it all up?


  1. i remember this passage VERY clearly from when i read the fountainhead, at least five years ago. it was before i had really “discovered” my submission but i still pored over these exact sentences, fascinated by them, trying to understand them and what about them i was drawn’re shaking my resolve with my recent change.

  2. Maybe you will be brought more firmly back to your submission by your attempt to escape Andrew and Morgan’s ownership, just as Dominique is brought back to Roark by her attempt to leave him behind. If that happens, you have to tell us all about it! I don’t want to shake your resolve, though Meg. I want you to be happy and fulfilled and writing!There is something about the calculating, cold way he knows she will come realize she cannot go on with or without him that is so erotic to me. I love to think that this is what it’s like for the Doms out there: The sheer rush of power it must be to feel this sure about someone else’s emotions! I can imagine it would be quite an aphrodisiac, although I cannot imagine ever feeling this securely in my assesment of another’s desires. It’s awfully hot, though.

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