Posted by: littlegirlyone | March 7, 2007

Patronize (analyzed)

Being a huge word geek, and picking up on a shared turn-on, I decided to investigate the word, “patronize.”

This is what I found first:
1. sponsor: assume sponsorship of
2. do one’s shopping at; do business with; be a customer or client of
3. treat condescendingly

Sometimes the English Major in me can’t help but love the language we speak, and its ability to capture distant, but not unrelated concepts in a single word. I know this drives people nuts when they’re learning English – why not just have another word?? But in this case, I thought it was amusing.

1. (sponsor: assume sponsorship of) John patronizes me in the sense that he sponsors me. He pays for me when occasions arise, and he supports me in my quest to unearth the most carnal desires that I have. He pushes me to go deeper, towards that bad girl place; sometimes he forces me, a little. And while I can’t say the feminist in me likes this admission: I absolutely love it when he doesn’t take no for an answer. To be clear, this is in our defined playtime, and I would always be able to safeword a real no. But I forget that all the time, and I love the feeling of telling him I don’t want to do something, and having him make me do it anyway.

2. (do one’s shopping at; do business with; be a customer or client of) John doesn’t usually “do business” with me. But I must admit, this is a fantasy I have. Once, a few months ago, he didn’t have the time to make the hotel arrangements, and asked me to do it. He insisted on paying me back for it. Being a student, I was grateful, although I sometimes feel guilty that I never pay for anything, and he takes care of everything. But that is also a turn on. Anyway, he had promised to pay me back, and as he was leaving me, wrapped in a comforter, and in a state of crazed post-orgasmic bliss, he stared counting 20’s out on the nightstand. Of course, I giggled hysterically – blushing, generally immature girl that I can be. He looked at me and said, “I know this is turning you on, slut. Don’t go getting any ideas . . .” Ever since then, I have had this fantasy of him (or someone else) paying me after sex. I have always liked the prostitution fantasy, and this was the closest I’ve been.

3. (treat condescendingly) This is the one I think persephone and I share. I guess I knew this for a while, but it wasn’t until I read her post, ‘engendered little girl,’ that I started thinking about this turn on deeply. I’ve come to realize that condescension, patronizing, is as much, if not more, of a turn-on as humiliations and embarrassment are. There is something about that tone of voice, it invokes such a powerful response in me. Just imagining it gives me the squirms of desire (like when I read persephone’s ‘pet’ post). As she noticed, I built this patronizing tone into my version of John’s landlord fantasy. Obviously, context is everything with this, because being condescended to, or patronized in a non-sexual setting would undoubtedly make me furious (even if it also made me a little excited). I can’t imagine enjoying it if there was no sexual undertone at all. But let John say things to me, anything to me, in that tone of voice, and I feel so hot and so firmly set in my little girl place, I can barely contain myself. Of course, there’s fury underlying my reaction to this kind of treatment, as well. I think that’s there with many of my buttons – there is something so erotically powerful about letting a man talk to you like that, whether it’s humiliation or condescension. I imagine that being the daughters of the feminists, we were taught that we were NEVER supposed to let anyone, especially a man, get away with that kind of disrespect. I wonder that background actually makes us want it more, bad girls that we are. I wonder if being taught so early that that sort of treatment was unacceptable makes us eroticize it, want it, like other social taboos (like anal sex, for example, which is exciting because I grew up thinking it was so naughty to want).

Finally, it is ironic to note that the word patronize comes from the latin root pater which, you guessed it, means father.

Conclusion: patronize is the perfect word to desribe the kind of verbal interaction I enjoy. And now, I’ll get back to finishing the landlord story, and the ensuing orgasm. . .


  1. hello twin,i couldn’t agree with you more… it makes me furious and aroused at the same time to be spoken to in that way. and i also have felt it as a taboo thing, something that we shouldn’t allow, much less like. my feminist mother would die if she had any idea what i’m doing. don’t know about that anal sex part, though. i didn’t even know what that was until i was in college.

  2. as usual, ms. meg, i love to hear that someone else shares my turn ons. you are my humiliation twin! loved your posts lately, i will comment soon!

  3. This is an amazing post, I had to email it to my daddy because it was the only way i could explain why I have such a love hate realtionship wilth him patronizing me. Once again you have put my thoughts into words.

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