Posted by: littlegirlyone | August 18, 2007

how to get a toy (and other lessons)

my thoughts on being watched are still percolating – persephone and roper asked astute questions and i’ve realized that i wasn’t clear in my prior post. i’m working on sorting my thoughts into a post-able form, but until i distill them, here’s something fun for you all to read.

****

all little girls love rewards. it can be ice cream, or cupcakes. it can be a hug, or an orgasm. it could even be something she doesn’t care for that much, but if you call it a reward, this little girl will be very excited to get it.

recently, i was a very good girl for persephone’s owners. so good, in fact, that they decided to give me a reward: my very own obedient persephone toy, to do with as i pleased for a little less than an hour on her webcam.

good reward, huh?

it all started innocently enough: persephone and i had been talking on the phone and remembered that we had webcams and could now watch eachother while we talked. we were having fun, messing around with our avatars’ outfits of all things, when she got a text from her owners asking her to call. she told me it was time for her to go, and we said our goodbyes. i went back to writing an email i’d been working on, forgetting that i had my webcam on.

a few minutes later, persephone’s frantic waving reminded me that she was still on cam (and so was i). not long after that, i watched as she took her skirt off (her owners commanded her to do this). less than 5 minutes after i saw her panties, persephone’s owners told me that they were giving her to me until midnight (her bedtime).

i get to boss you around, says your owners, i informed her via IM. to me, that was the best description of how it felt to be in charge of her sexually. i didn’t feel like a domme (whatever that might feel like). i felt much more like a bossy little girl – the same persona i’ve imagined in my other “switching” fantasies.

deliciously, i felt like it was payback time for my little meg toy. you see, when i’d been on camera for her owners, she was safely NOT on camera. she had seen me completely naked, administering a self-spanking, and masturbating to orgasm. i had only seen her g-rated. just like a gleeful brat about to get her humiliation-revenge sundae, i thought of how she was going to have to do everything i had done on camera for me, while i sat and watched. yay!

immediately, she became “little meg.” i made her turn and touch the floor, showing me her ass. i told her to pull her panties down so i could imagine spanking her. and then, i made her spank herself 10 times for me.

after about the first 5, i asked, are you spanking hard? you should make it HURT. mine hurt! i was quite happily enjoying asserting some control over her (but i was also concerned that she was having fun, and kept checking in with her throughout to be sure).

when she was done administering her spankings, i taunted: your owners said i can do whatever i like with you. you are my little meg slut girl until 12.

“little meg slut girl” later morphed into “little slut toy,” which is what i settled on for the duration of our interaction. because i’m no sadist (really?), i couldn’t really think of anything mean to make her do, so i decided to let her have some orgasms for me. that was fun. i counted her down to 10, reminding her she was my little slut toy to do with as i pleased. when she came, i decided i was aroused and was going to get my bunny toy. she asked if she could use hers, and we quickly decided to switch to the phone/webcam combination so that we could have our hands free.

being in charge of counting meg off to orgasm while masturbating was really hot – and conveniently, i could time her to cum when i did. after we shared another orgasm, i was so turned on that i wanted to cum really hard. although we tried to stay on the phone, i quickly realized there was no way that i was going to be able to really concentrate on getting off the way i wanted to, and still be in charge of meg. on that note, we said our goodbyes and i told her i was going to finish up alone because i needed to concentrate on myself (selfish girl) and it was her bedtime anyway.

***

our interaction got me wondering again about whether i am some kind of secret switch afterall. although this is a tantalizing idea, i’m still pretty sure the answer is no. here’s why: first of all, to “top” meg, all i did was treat her the way i like to be treated – that came easily enough to me. sometimes when i’m alone, i boss myself around to get off, so it wasn’t that big of a stretch to say the words out loud, to her, that i would say to myself. i am pretty sure this is how come she ended up being called my little slut toy – because any name involving the words “toy” or “doll” is a surefire verbal trigger for me.

secondly, i spent the first 20 years of my life as an actress – so playing another role, stretching myself to be the “top” isn’t that foreign or difficult. i just put on my bratty little girl persona, and play that part with gusto. but it feels like a part. i feel quite differently when i interact with a dominant: i don’t feel like i’m playing. in fact, i feel more like myself than i do most of the day – i am just naturally reacting in the way that feels right, whether that means adding a “sir” to the end of my answers, or answering those awfully humiliating questions with brutal, blushing honesty. that disparity further convinces me that i’m not really a switch, but maybe a sub who’s capable of topping (if someone asks me to). and how submissive is that? basically, if someone “makes” me be the bossy brat girl, i’ll do a bang up job of it, but it isn’t a role i would choose often, and certainly not without being invited.

however the most convincing evidence i have for keeping my “sub” label is what happened when, at the end, i was out of my mind aroused with desire. all i wanted, the only thing that i craved, was to submit again. i couldn’t even form coherent sentences, or hold on to the persona that had bossed meg around so convincingly. i would have begged her to top me, if i’d thought it would work. instead, we hung up so i could be free to fantasize about all the naughty, slutty things this little fucktoy needs to be forced to do.

my final reflection on this experience has to do with this post’s title: i realize that i got my reward simply by being a good girl, not because i asked for a reward. this is an important lesson for me to remember. when i was good for persephone’s owners, it wasn’t for the purpose of receiving a reward. being obedient to them, and the accompanying feelings (humiliation, arousal, submission, pleasure) were rewards in and of themselves. i acted as i felt i should in the moment, as i felt i wanted and needed to. i obeyed because it pleased them, and the thought that i would please someone was pleasing to me. little girls get rewarded by being themselves, and only for being themselves. the best way to get a toy is to NOT ask for, hope for, or expect one. when i am deserving, the reward will come.

to me, that is a very comforting (if frustrating) lesson.

i want to end this post with deep thanks to persephone’s owners for their gift (and with gratitude to miss meg, the darling toy). she just what i always wanted! not only was she fun, exciting, orgasmic and cute – playing with my obedient persephone toy was a very educational experience for this little girl.

(and it seems i was the start of something exciting for persephone. if you haven’t heard yet about her upcoming tryst, go here now).


Responses

  1. no no no, thank you!i was laughing the whole time i was reading this. my owner was watching me on the webcam at the time and said, “you keep smiling, you must be feeling very happy.”thank you so much for posting it. it was soooooo fun. 🙂

  2. Yes, this is great fun and wonderfully sexy, as well as being extremely revealing about how little girl’s mind works. Thank you.

  3. sounds like you has alot of fun xxx

  4. Were you naturally adding “sir” before you’d heard it used in the context of SM?

  5. It’s hard to tell sometimes if you are actually a switch or if you are simply acting on what you would want to have done to you, and in essence, living vicariously through your partner.It sounds like a fun time, though. Interesting read, to say the very least!

  6. persephone,always glad to make you smile. and, just for my information – was your owner watching you read my post without talking or IM-ing you? was he just watching you casually?roper,i am so curious about what was “extremely revealing” about my mind. is there a part you can pinpoint?katie,it was so much fun – oh yes! as you well know, ms. meg is a delight to interact with.deity,i’ve been trying to think of when i’ve said “sir” in a non-SM context and i’ve come up with two instances: sarcastically (as in, when someone i’m friendly with bosses me around) and, in rare situations, out of a quiet sort of fear (as in when i’ve had to deal with extremely rage-a-holic bosses who might snap and freak out on me). oh, how i hate getting yelled at! i avoid it at all costs, including by deference.ashes,welcome to my little world! thank you for your comment. it is hard to tell from the outside, i think. viewing my behavior from a distance, it makes it very difficult to identify what stems from where. i feel like from my perspective, it’s not as confusing when i stop looking at what i do, and start recognizing how it made me feel (which sounds like a cheesy answer, but there it is.)


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: