Posted by: littlegirlyone | June 20, 2008

judge kozinski

oy! a lot has happened since my last, melancholy post.

i apologize if it seems as though i have dropped off the face of the earth. life has just been moving me along, and i’ve barely had time to rest properly and take care of myself, let alone sit quietly and think about submission.
in fact, as is my tendency, i had sort of lost touch with my kink for a while. this cycling on and off of my desires is nothing new to me. i have all sorts of theories about it, but none of the explanations make the cycle stop.

so, i wasn’t thinking kinky at all. i was thinking about the end of school. i was packing, moving, saying goodbye to dear friends, graduating, entertaining family, getting settled, starting a new job, adjusting to a new sleep schedule (i now rise at 6am, and work until 5), looking at wedding venues, trying on dresses, doing more yoga, watching what i eat. i really have been doing a lot. (except thinking about sex, spanking, kink, fantasy, etc.)

but, this past week, for those of you that don’t follow legal news, the chief judge of the ninth circuit, judge kozinski, declared a mistrial in an obscenity case he was presiding over after the LA times uncovered his personal website (containing pornography). there was some question as to whether the photographs were “obscene” and whether the judge’s tolerance for such obscenity made him biased. the prosecutor was asking the judge to recuse himself, saying he couldn’t be impartial. the website featured a photo of naked women on all fours, painted like cows; a video of a half-dressed man cavorting with a farm animal; and my personal favorite, a picture of two girls showing their pubic hair, holding a sign encouraging the viewer to “vote for bush.”
this whole thing got me thinking about kink again, but really, this time, i was thinking about kink academically. i spent a solid hour on the phone with a friend, arguing about the subjective definition of obscenity, the feminist stance (popularized by andrea dworkin) that porn innately devalues women, and a whole lot of other unsexy sex talk.

but after the debate died down, i found myself thinking about kink again. only this time, i was thinking about my own kink.

part of the terror, and i suppose, part of the thrill, about being a professional (yes, really. it’s official) with a dirty, dirty mind, is the vulnerability of having one’s kink exposed. and i don’t mean in a hot, “i knew you were a slut the moment i saw you, so bend over my desk” sort of way. i mean, the real, honest, public humiliation of having your professional peers judge you based on your sexual proclivities, and the oddness thereof.

not that it has been proven, to my satisfaction, that any kink is really all that odd. (ok, i guess the one about women stomping on bugs could be rare.) but the truth is, people are ashamed of what they desire. so ashamed, that they hide it. and as any analytical mind could hypothesize, the very fact that we take great umbrage, fanatically smear someone as a “pervert,” and gleefully watch as their private inner deviance gets exposed (remember bill clinton and the cigar?), is sort of an indicator that we, too, have strange desires. as shakespeare once said, “the lady dost protest too much, methinks.”

so i am slowly, unsurely, re-emerging from my kink-free cocoon. but, not without a mighty dose of hesitation. as if the guilt and self loathing i already struggle with wasn’t enough, i’m coming out into a world full of secret perverts.


Responses

  1. Let me be the first to welcome you back from your haitus. I anxiously await the rebirth from the kink-free cocoon of a glorious and perverse, and semi-shameless lovely, colorful butterfly.

  2. ah, how i missed you. but if this is your return post, you have really hit the ground running. the potential in this post… i hope it’s not my wishful thinking. πŸ™‚ i would be thrilled to see you writing again, especially with this as your jumping off point.call me, i love you. πŸ™‚

  3. you are not alone in the fear of being found out. When/if you have kids, the fear spreads there as well, as being deemed “unfit” because of your sexual proclivities. That fear follows me and is a reason why I am not nearly as open as I used to be in my writing. (And it’s suffered because of it too)Welcome back! πŸ™‚ I love reading you.g.

  4. I’m glad to see you’re back. I’ve never posted on your blog, but began reading after finding obedientpersephone, and have been waiting for you to start up again.I’m sad to see that meg has made her blog private–I read her blog q.o.d., and was so sad this morning! Any idea what happened? I hope she is okay!

  5. good to hear your written voice again. of course, that last paragraph is a cliffhanger par excellence…-Third.

  6. there you go, sweetie. missing in action again. hope all is well…

  7. i made a desicion many years ago that if i would not mind my activities to be on the front page of the tabloids or if i didnt mind being cross examined in court, then they were ok for me to do. I still stick by this, i never do anything that i would be embarrassed to talk about. Obviuosly everyone has different embarresment levels but if you are not comfy with yourself and are scared of being caught out, then dont do it. Sounds so simple but i know it isnt but it works for me. Hope you get back and kinky very soon xx

  8. Welcome back! We all can relate and of course “life happens.”


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