Posted by: littlegirlyone | March 12, 2010

ask the little girl: explaining submission (some more)

**What follows is a continuation of the discussion that started with a post I called “explaining submission.” If you haven’t read that post and the comments, you may want to start there.***

I started this blog for me. I was needy and angsty and alone. I wanted support, and I couldn’t tell anyone in my “real” life about my submission. So I turned to the anonymous internet in search of a place where I could let the little girly out of her box.

Being here, writing for you, sharing with you these past three years, has been so much more awesome than I ever anticipated. I have made huge strides in my personal development as a result of writing, processing and growing in this space. Especially lately, I feel like this blog is a safe place. Not just for me, but for all of the lurkers that land here searching phrases like “bdsm fuck little girl,” “oral fixation” “anal sex” and the ever-popular “Daddy/little girl.” I hope that when they land here, they take a deep breath of recognition, and realize that they are not alone. To my quiet readers that email me heartfelt encouragement, and earnest questions about D/s, and buttplugs and how to get face fucked: you are so not alone.

I like panties, spanking, and being monitored: you are not alone. I get off thinking about enemas, objectification, bondage, orgasm control, kissing, choking, and crying: you are not alone. That sense of community is the best gift the internet ever gave me, and the thing I hope to contribute in my own small way. No matter how shameful or terrible, no matter how awful or twisted someone thinks their turn-ons are, other people are having the same fantasies, or something “scarier” and “worse.” This key realization helped me shake the years of shame off my sexuality. It was the beginning of trusting myself and my desires. I lost my fear reading Persphone’s Submission, befriending other little girls, talking to Daddies and Dominants and Masters and slaves and pets, and learning about what they like, and more importantly, why.

I am a very inquisitive person. I welcome questions, comments, criticism, and people seeking to understand. But, I won’t debate my sexuality. It just is. That doesn’t mean I won’t go out of my way to try to explain what submission is like for me if questions are asked in a genuine way. That’s what I endeavored to do in “explaining submission,” and in most of my writing. But I can’t expend too much energy responding to people that only read a couple of posts, deduce what they think my narrative is, decide they know everything about my submission, and proceed to throw down a gauntlet and challenge me to a duel.

I won’t fight over the definitions of words like “abuse” and “empowerment.” These words have definitions that are perfectly apt. I don’t want to go line by line and attack logically-inconsistent arguments and incorrect usages of pop-psych phrases like “repression” and “passive aggressive.” These concepts also have definitions. At the end of the day, if you tell me that to you the sky is not what we all call blue, but in fact, a shade of orange, why would I argue? Your perception is your reality, and maybe one of us is colorblind.

I started “explaining submission” with a caveat: I don’t think that I can make anyone understand D/s if they don’t want to. I can’t defend it or make it seem normal, any more than I can defend people who are hypochondriacs, or people who love cats. I can’t defend them because they just are what they are. If someone doesn’t understand D/s, and genuinely wants to, the best I can offer is to explain what I feel, what I like, and why I like it. I’ve worked hard to get those answers. I’ve shared my answers all over these pages for the past three years. But if that’s not satisfactory? If someone still thinks I’m irrational, abused, self-flagellating, coerced, repressed, sad, broken and the same as a child molester: what can I say? I did my best, I was honest. I can’t make anyone understand me, I can only hope for empathy from those that do not understand.

I won’t fight about my submission. Thankfully, I have the liberty to choose what I do in my bedroom, how I spend time in my intimate relationships, and what I think about when I come. If I want to be beaten with a paddle until I cry (and if I can find someone to beat me), there’s not much anyone can do to stop it.

I can, and will end a conversation when it gets futile and abusive. I’m a very skilled conflict-avoider (go me!) and I choose to put my years of practice to work today.

For everyone that’s here and genuinely seeking answers: thank you. Thank you for your questions. Thank you for your worry and your feedback. Thank you for being here, thinking, being active. I value you, and I want to give you a more detailed explanation. I originally intended to write an epilogue to the Killing the Flame series, but had let the idea fall by the wayside. This discussion helped me to realize that I need to write that epilogue.

I am grateful for this place, for the opportunity to write for you, and for your attention. It is wonderful to know that I am not alone.


Responses

  1. This is a stunning manifesto.Thank you.o.g.

  2. Yes, wow. Wonderfully cogent summation.David S

  3. LG, I applaud your patience in responding thoughtfully to this line of critique. And I hope you won't mind if I jump in…Anonymous (David? Is there more than one anonymous here? That's always confusing)…I have set up a website trying to provide empirical answers for questions such as yours: http://www.kinkresearch.blogspot.comIt's far from complete, and I expect that it will not really satisfy you, but it does allow you to get up to speed on the relevant studies. And saying "Educate Me!" to people on the internet you have no relationship with is kind of poor form in that regard.Respectfully, Orlando

  4. i want to share my comment publicly:i think this is a really moving piece of writing, and i think it will come to mean a great deal to a great many people. reading it gave me goosebumps.

  5. Beautifully written. Very honest. Bravo.

  6. Lovely words lg…

  7. lg,I've wanted to weigh in, but i must say i'm completely confused by the circumstances of this post. I can't grasp why someone who just randomly visits, reads a few of your posts, and then decides to launch a campaign against your narrative should present themselves as anonymous – what is this person's point? To mine eyes, he has none. What he's doing is fire bombing, in my opinion, and even if the blade is whet upon a stone of enlightenment, it still stabs and hurts like hell as a blade is meant to do. While the Internet has done many of us a major service, this is an example of how the random straggler can still come by and disrupt the general calm, act upon their own neuroses, and batter complete strangers.I can honestly say i wouldn't be here, upholding my own dark corner of the kinky web journalist's world if i hadn't encountered persephone and lg. I'm eternally grateful for your perspective and your persistence to understand your inner mechanics.

  8. I'm sorry to have come into this conversation at the tail end, as I was really moved by many of the comments made in the initial interactions and would have loved to make my contribution. But after such an eloquent call to move on who would I be to drag momentum in reverse? So I'll just say I'm honored to be even periferally included in a community of both "kinksters" and writers who understand themselves as well as you do and who are willing and able to do it publically, so bravely and so eloquently. cheers!

  9. You don't have to debate or explain your sexuality or submission. As you said, it is what it is and it's who are and you have nothing to apologiae for.Just keep doing what makes you happy and don't worry about what anybody says.There was much insight in your post and I hope you keep providing such interesting insight in the future.FD

  10. Nice…

  11. http://www.miller-mccune.com/culture-society/admire-her-body-hamper-her-brain-10780/

  12. Thank you everyone for the generous, kind comments. Orlando, David S is not the original anonymous. He sometimes comments with the anonymous handle, but always signs his name. I’m very pleased that you jumped into the debate, and was hoping you would weigh in. Thank you for linking to kinkresearch.com, also.

    For everyone that wonders why I would respond to Anonymous in the first place, especially when it became clear that he was not really seeking to understand, I did it for everyone else that reads here and doesn’t comment. I didn’t want his accusations to go unanswered or his points to go unrebutted.As for that article at the end, I’m not sure what to make of it. Anyone?

  13. bravo l.g.! you continue to move and inspire me. i am humbled by your eloquence. reading your words and those of other kinky girls and boys helps me learn and understand more about myself and my kinks and needs. and for that i remain eternally grateful. thank you so much for sharing of yourself so openly, honestly and thoughtfully! xox


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